Wayne AND Wilburn’s

TURKEY HUNTING For Dummies!

1.    Arrive Early.  (at LeAst 4 Hours BeFore Daylight)

2.    Slam Truck DooR To WAke up Turkey’s.

3.    IF NO RESPONSE, Slam Door SEVerAL Times.

4.    If NO Turkey goBBles, Hoot Like AN owl!

5.    KEEP HOOTing unTil crows HeAR you AND MAKe A Fuss.

6.    WALK AROUND AND CAll For TURKeys vigorously.  THE more you WALK AND CAll, THE BeTTER CHANCE you hAVe of Killing A Turkey.

7.    DON’T WORRY ABOUT LISTENing.  Turkeys can’t sLip up on you BeCAUSE THey MAKE TOO much NOiSE goBBLIN’.  (UNless you can’t HEAR very good)

8.    When A TURKey APPROACHes, simply SHOOT Him iN THe HeAD wiTH Super-whammy sixes AND Fours.  (make sure to put the front sight just on top a the breast)

9.    If you miss THe FiRst TimE, simply SHOOT THE Turkey AgAiN AS He ATTempts to Run OFF.  THis SHould be AN easy SHOT SINCe He is pRACTiCAlly AlReady DEAD.

10.    IF YOU MISS AGAIN, CHASE AFTer THe TUrKey UNTil eiTHer  1.) THe TurKey Falls DEAD, or  2.) you FAll deAD.

REMINDER:  WHATever You do, DOn’t tell your FRIENDS and huTting Buddies the TRUTH.  They will pOKe fun at you, LAUGH at you, and TEll stORies about you unLESS you LiE and make excuses.  BeLow is a list of the reaSONS you can giVe if your Turkey gets aWAY:

REASON #
1) His hEAd was beHIND a tree.
2) He jERKed at just tHe right TIme.
3) I REALLY wasn’t trRYIng to Kill him.  I just wanted to SCarE him.
4) He WASn’t BIG enough for me.  I only shoot MONSTER Turkeys.
5) I dinn’t WANT to CLEAN him anyway.
6) I was SAVing him for my BUDdies to kell.
7) It was TOO FAR to carry him out of the WOODS.
8) My WIFe is cooking CHICKen for dinner.
9) It wasn’t qUACKing like the last Turkey I shot.
10) NObody told me They could FLY.